The "bigger" girl.

"The bigger girl." 

 

That's my descriptor...apparently. I'm not sure why my mum felt the need to tell me, to be honest. She was angry about what had been said, but...I didn't need to hear it. Someone had referred to me, not knowing she's my mum. "We usually see the bigger girl."
That person has seen me for 2 years, probably 5 times in total. She's seen me at my heaviest, and she saw me 2 weeks ago. I do realize that this journey is far from over. My body is not at a point where I would say I'm satisfied and ready to move into maintenance mode instead of weight loss mode. There's at least 20, maybe closer to 30 kg to go (I don't have a goal weight, just gonna wing it as I get to a healthy size and see what feels good on me). I know this. BUT, I have to add here that the top I'm wearing in this photo is a size 18. It's way too big, clearly. I'm in a size 16 right now, which is the size of the average woman in Australia. I've never been so fucking happy to be average. People are fucking dicks sometimes.
The main reason it makes me upset and angry is because she could have used ANY other descriptor.
"The other girl."
"The dark haired girl."
"The younger girl." (since she was talking to mum and obviously I'm the younger one)
"The girl with the opal necklace." (I never take it off)
"The girl who brought our price list/floorstock/spoke to us about different things that are available."

She chose what she chose. Because she's an asshole.

Which got me thinking about how we choose our words, and how they can impact someone, even if we don't think they're offensive or whatever. When I heard this, I felt it, physically. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. My heart sank, and all of my newfound, fledgling self confidence went away. It'll definitely make me more careful about how I choose to describe a person or refer to them from this point on.

I know that I need to be strong, to rise above it, to use it for motivation...but sometimes I'm not strong. Sometimes it's all a bit too much and I feel like it's all too hard. I don't know what advice to give you guys, if you're following along with a journey of your own, except....let those days come and go. Tomorrow will be a better day and you'll feel good again. Be kind to yourself so that when others are unkind, you're ok.

I'm gonna go give myself a facial and paint my nails. Tomorrow is a better day.